On Nothing

It’s been a long time since I’ve stared down a blank page and been unable to type a single word. Usually I out-write (outwit?) my brain and clickety-clack the keys until something bubbles to the surface. Then I erase 57% of what I wrote. Until today.

Today, I balance my laptop on my legs and watch college students in see-through leggings try to wiggle into class after the professor has locked the door. It’s awkward, so I look back at my white screen, and then I look down at the rose gold phone I hate to love to see if I have any notifications.

Notifications for an app I downloaded against my will (I hate apps). My sister begged me to get it because it lets us video chat each other, and we can change our voices, which makes saying things like, “I’ve been sitting so long I can’t feel my hips” super fun because we sound like men in drag. So I had to get it.

I wait for the college students to saunter off, and then I send my sister a video and say, “Give me something to write about. I’m starting to get desperate” in a helium voice. I wait for her to send something back, but it seems she’s busy watching her kids go down the slide at some park.

I look back at the screen and shift a little. I really can’t feel my hips.

So I do a couple of squats and write about nothing.